Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
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You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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