this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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