I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
