accomplished twins. life is a go
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
