My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
