You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
