I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
