left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
