After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
