im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I love you.
Bad choice
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
