I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
