Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
