We tried having a conversation with our noses.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
