I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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