Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
