you guys were way drunker than both of me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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