I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
