So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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