Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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