$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Fuck me I smell like cheese
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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