I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We need to get me chipped asap
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
