When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
