no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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