Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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