Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
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There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
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I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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