He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
