I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
