Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
