And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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