If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
