i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
