I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
