For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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