half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
