im about as happy as oj after his trial
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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