How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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