What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
