I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
