I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
