I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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