If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
