Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
