I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
