i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!