So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I didn't notice because vodka
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals