Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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