I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
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His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
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Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.