Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
