she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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