Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have post one night stand depression
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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