There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
