what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
