Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
