STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
