it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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