Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
