I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
