Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
