Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
