The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
They are going to name an STD after you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
