i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
