Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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