alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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