Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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