My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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