I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
