Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company