walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
