I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ladies don't puke and tell
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.