life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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