hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
