Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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