I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
