dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
