this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
