I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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