Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
