For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
