Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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