Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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